dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
