she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
