Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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