i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
