Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
