I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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