My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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