I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
