He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
