Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize