All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
