Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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