i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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