Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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