i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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