I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
