im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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