Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, beer. Big fan.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
