My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is wine microwaveable?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
