you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
