i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize