I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
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I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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