is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
