btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
