I'm going to jail i love you
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
