O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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