I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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