At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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