ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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