Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
