She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
