Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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