i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
