my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
