went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
