Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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