Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
