i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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