I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
