We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
