You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
