So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
