We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Maybe he injected his testicle?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
