Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
as a side note pls kill me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
