I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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