my phone needs a breathalizer
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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