My hand turned me down
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
