Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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