I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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