I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
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I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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