Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
