Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
