If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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