I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
