it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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