Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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