Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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