Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
