You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
