in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
