i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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